I have been inspired to write about my own intro to female led relationships (FLR), because it so radically changed my life and my relationship with sex. I am a female in my early thirties whose sex life was what could always be described as satisfying, but after reading 50 Shades, something in my sexual psyche was awoken and I knew I must explore it further. The idea of sub/dom relationships always titillated my imagination and I was more than happy to try out a submissive role and found it erotic and stimulating. However, my partner confessed that he would like to try out adopting the role of submissive as well and I agreed that it was only fair that he get a chance to live out his fantasies too.
At first, it felt as if we were on totally unfamiliar ground and we were both feeling our way, uncertain of how we should progress exactly. I must confess that at first it did feel strange being the Domme because society very readily slots us all into our gender typical roles and we mature believing that we have found sexual gratification and often stop there without question. However, for those of us who are more adventurous, we often find that, if we can release the inhibitions which are bred into us, we can discover a widely more satisfying experience altogether.
Our first efforts were tentative and unsure but we both soon gathered speed when we tasted how scintillating sub/dom sex could be. What drove us on was sheer passion and lust and we soon learned to overcome our inhibitions and enter into a rollercoaster journey of our erotic shared adventures together. We spoke about the limits we were both willing to endure and took pains to put each other at ease, building confidence in the other so that no actual fear was ever present. Needless to say, we trust each other implicitly, which I believe it paramount when setting out on this path, which, potentially, can present huge risks to its participants. We were explicit about how much pain we wanted to experience and the type of feelings we wanted to evoke. Some of our sex play was pure experimentation because I believe that sex should always involve the imagination and, for me, sex is as cerebral as it is physical.
I am lucky to have a partner who is as keen as I am to try out new things to keep our sex lives fresh and lively, and we talked about boundaries before we sprung anything on the other. Nevertheless, it did come as a bit of surprise when my partner said that he wanted to be the sub; it wasn’t anything I’d considered previously. But because is always so obliging to my needs I was ready to give it a go if it meant it would enhance his experience. We were careful to agree on a safe word just as we had been when I’d been the submissive. I had thought it was probably going to be something we tried briefly and moved on from.
I have to confess that I did feel just slightly silly at first and a little self-conscious, even though we have always indulged each other’s fantasies. As I relaxed though, I realized that was actually relishing the power that being the Domme gave me and I began to get into role and enjoy myself. I must have been convincing because it seemed that my partner was enjoying himself enormously too and rather than just trying it out and moving onto the next thing, we found that me adopting the Domme role became the fantasy of choice, which we seemed to indulge in increasingly until eventually it monopolized our sex lives completely.
I realized pretty quickly that I found it extremely liberating and that I enjoyed it more than I ever would have thought possible. It meant that I could be sure that sex was never hurried again. I could make sure I was completely satisfied in whichever way I felt like before agreeing to penetration or any other sexual gratification was allowed for my partner. He has a very demanding job and I think having an opportunity to relinquish the responsibility he has to wield constantly in a work environment was a complete relief for him. We normally keep sub/dom action to the bedroom, but he is catching on that if he is ‘good’ out of the bedroom he is more likely to earn sexual favors. His domestic prowess and involvement has certainly expanded and that makes me happier too. And, if I’m happier, then I’m more likely to be nicer to him too. He’s more likely to come home bearing gifts now too, and it might be as simple as a bunch of flowers or a bottle of perfume – or even some type of sex toy. He enjoys seeing me happy and being the instigator of my happiness, which now very easily enters or sexual domain too. Our sex life, although it has always been good, has now reached new heights. I feel empowered and totally released from any past inhibitions.
We’ve started using costumes and sex toys more freely. He says that he finds my Domme persona hugely erotic and sexy and I like having complete control over him too. It does not diminish his masculinity at all for me and I feel cherished and adored by him. If anything, introducing this role play into our lives has improved our relationship on so many levels and I could never go back to vanilla sex. Our relationship has deepened and made us feel closer because it has introduced an intimacy between us that wasn’t there before. It takes real trust between two people to give them license to hurt you. I think that we have achieved it and there will never be any looking back now. If you’re nervous, start slowly and remember to keep talking to each other constantly about what you like and feel acceptable.
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