As much as I like to keep my life personal, there’s so much I can teach my readers through my own experience back when I was still new to the FLR world, so I’m going to proceed to give you a gist of how I found out I was a dom, and how it all started for me. My first experience was not fantastic, but my second was what made me positive that I was meant for this life.
For as long as I can remember, I’d always been assertive and confident in my opinions. Growing up, through college, I’d thought my assertiveness was just a sign of confidence and a sense of self-worth. But that was until I met him. Now, for privacy reasons, I’m going to refer to him as Joshua.
It was sophomore year, and he had the prettiest face I’d ever seen. He usually sat in front of me, and I would notice how he would crane his neck toward me, pretending to borrow a pencil from his friend just to shoot me a glance. I was enchanted.
His hazel eyes glistened, and I felt tingling in my chest whenever he smiled at me, and his dimples sunk deeper into his face. I thought five years ago; I probably would have gone up to him, giggled like a dork, and waited until he asked me out. But I had grown up, and I was beginning to understand what I liked: how I liked my men and what I wanted to do with them.
I knew that through porn. When vanilla videos didn’t cut it for me, and maledom videos made me uncomfortable, femdom films were this fascinating discovery that made me find my kinks. But I had never done anything like it, and it was only a theory of what I possibly liked.
And that was the thing. When I saw Joshua, I thought he was the perfect man to put the theory to the test. From the moment I laid my eyes on him, I knew he was going to be the first man I’d ever dominated.
He was nervous when I first approached him – nearly dropped his books. It turned me on how clumsy he had seemed. From a distance, he seemed to be the shy type who was going to continue being flustered until I set him straight. With my hand. Or maybe with a whip. I had already fantasized about it all before I said hello. I didn’t know what he was into, but he seemed like the type who would let me do what I wanted to him.
And I wasn’t wrong.
Of course, I was the one who asked him out. He was surprised by how confident I seemed – a remark which made me smile because it was almost like a code word for dominant. I thought it was a good sign that he could pick up on that. We walked to a local cafe, and I rushed to the door before he pulled it open for me. I didn’t look behind me, but I knew the gesture made him smile. We sat down on a table for two, and I dismissed the waiter who came to our table too soon.
“We’re still browsing the menu, thanks,” I said, speaking on behalf of Joshua, as well.
I remember the way Joshua looked up at me with his toothy smile, his round cheeks pressing on his eyes as he squinted a little. My eyes were fixed on the menu, but I could see him looking at me. My legs were crossed, and my face was straight as I chewed my gum.
“You’re kind of a badass,” he commented in almost a murmur.
At this point, it felt like a cue for me to understand him more. I was intrigued, turned on, and almost star-struck.
“I bet you’re equally as badass in bed,” he continued with a smirk dawning on his face.
Until he said that.
Even though I’d been thinking of nothing but how I’d annihilate him in the bedroom, I didn’t like how quickly he sexualized our encounter. I knew he was attracted to me from the way he subtly eyed me, scanning my body up and down and pausing at my bulging tits. But how quickly he had presumed that my approach was sexual turned me off. It was the kind of audacity that I never liked in a man. I liked them shy and reserved, leaving me the space to make the first move. But I didn’t want to be picky, so I shrugged it off.
Fast-forward to when our food came, I was already bored out of my mind.
It had been fifteen minutes, and he wouldn’t stop talking about himself. He would sometimes let me comment, only to stop me and continue speaking his mind. The worst part was, he couldn’t tell how cocky he was being. But aside from his unimpressive personality and juvenile intellect, that wasn’t what bothered me. I felt like he had stolen control from me.
But he was a beginner, I was sure. I thought I could still train him. Clearly, he was sexually attracted to me strongly enough to go with the flow, and I still wanted to dominate him.
I asked for the check, and he didn’t bother reaching for it. I didn’t like that, either. It was almost like he was selectively submissive when it suited him, but still, I shrugged the second red flag off. I smiled at the waiter, my eyes following him until he left.
As soon as he did, I turned to Joshua and said, “So, are we doing this or what?”
He chuckled, almost choking on his own spit. “You mean, like,” he paused, lowering his voice, “sex?”
“Clearly,” I nonchalantly said, crossing my arms. “Since we both know why we’re here, skipping class, we might as well just go for it.”
“Fuck, that would be amazing,” he said, his eyes growing wide like he had been waiting for me to say that.
Little did I know, this was not going to be a one night stand, but a brief two-month relationship that felt a lot longer because Joshua, as I later found it, knew little about boundaries and personal space.
That afternoon, we walked back to my studio apartment. I kicked the door shut and smiled at him. He smiled back, blushing and glancing at the ground. I was really attracted to him at that moment. It was almost as though I only liked him when he revealed the shy and dorky side of him. I began undressing him, and he was about to undress me.
This was my chance to test it out.
“Don’t touch me without permission,” I ordered him with a straight face.
For a moment, he was confused. But as I continued to undo his belt, he smiled and understood where this was going…..